I Saw 'The Trial of Tony Blair' And All I Got Was This Lousy Satire

'Unfortunately, it is also representative of the way in which our political culture tends to patronise and infantilise.'

Alistair Beaton creator of The Trial of Tony Blair, on Blair's House of Lords reform.

Before reading any further please answer the following

What do you believe about Gulf War II?

a) The war was wrong and illegal. Blair and Bush lied to secure oil supplies and to get rid of a tyrant who was only there because of their support. And even then it was only to get a step closer to invading Iran. Or shoring up support for Saudi Arabia. Or Israel. Or getting at China. Or Russia.

b) Anything else.

All you really need to know about 'The Trial' is that if you thought Tony Blair needed to be put on trial for Iraq, you'll love it, because it will just affirm everything you already thought. The early part of the story can be likened to a load of Stop The War coalition supporters furiously beating off into a camera. Blair has panic attacks about being blown up by a suicide bomber, a messiah complex is vainglorious and morally superior throughout. The show would be much easier to take if the viewer weren't teased with sympathy for Blair, only to have it immediately withdrawn. Its written as if every time the writer let themselves any human feeling for Blair, an anti war protestor appeared shoving a sign directly into a synapse reading 'NO. BLIAR. B-LIAR. BLAIR + LIAR. DID YOU NOT GET THE SUBTLE POLITICAL SATIRE?' These sequences are only funny if you are the kind of person who took the Iraq War personally.

How the hell would they get Tony Blair to take the stand at The Hague anyway? They fucked up Milosevic's trial so badly he had to die a natural death in order for them to secure a reduced conviction of 'well-kind-of-you-knew-about-it-but-didn''t-do-anything-to-stop-it...ish' - GO MORAL CONSCIENCE, FLY INTO A NEW AGE OF JUSTICE.

'Politics requires analysis as well as passion, insight as well as conviction, lucidity as well as sincerity. Above all, it requires healthy, open debate. But Blair has never cared very much about healthy, open debate'

Alistair Beaton

The fact is, Blair almost certainly wasn't a war criminal. Bush probably wasn't a war criminal. They almost certainly lied, cajoled and massaged the truth in order to take their countries into a war neither country wanted, but when is that news? (Hey ma did ya hear? They're posthumously indicting every political leader from Nebuchadnezzar onwards? Apparently they led their nations to war without good reason.) The anger of anti war-o's is explicable but their surprise at the duplicity of politicians is not.

This is not politics, or if it is politics, it is the politics of the nursery.

Alistair Beaton

There were plenty of good reasons for criticising the Iraq war, but there were also good reasons for going in In addition the complex and frankly, boring, legal questions. I don't appreciate being treated like a retarded 5 year old, no matter how many packets of Wotsits I can consume if left to my own devices.

Is it weird that I found Brian Haw moving to the street outside Blair's house as funnier and sadder than the plight of Blair himself? The lack of this war's universal significance could not be more pointed. The David Cameron parts are much funnier, asking inner city youths if they 'staying off the charlie' But I think Steve Coogan is going to need to get his lawyers onto the producers about some of the lines.

At this point I'm very much in danger of turning into a fat white guy from the Deep South, wearing denim Stars and Stripes jackets and shouting profanities about the weak knees and elbows of liberals. To slow this inevitable decline, I'll stop talking.

If you remember nothing else from this. remember: WHEN TONY BLAIR GETS ANGRY HE TRIES TO RUN OVER MUSLIMS IN HIS GIANT 4X4. FEAR BLIAR.

BBCs Mistresses

It's not bad, the writing is ok, the acting is fine but it is very slow. Like some kind of relentless soviet behemoth that just keeps going, never ending, for the love of god it just goes on and on. It's just another in a long line of British dramas that feels ten times longer than it should be.
The problem is Sex and the City has already been made, and Atlantic crossovers are usually doomed from their foul, seedy, lazy conceptions. I'm sure the BBC get nice original scripts but they, like all channels, are lazy and money obsessed.
Also, why is it that the supposed 'cool' people in British drama always look like they've just stepped out of the 80s, the cringeworthy Dallas 80s.For example the sleazy PR boss telling his underling he wants her to be "working under him". I mean for fucks sake it's like our writers decided what was cool when they were children and they're going to stick with their misplaced faith in the Wall Street book of cool until the day they die.
Another problem is that with the BBCs ongoing desire to avoid seeming too Londoncentric the program looks like it's set in some kind of null space that could be the suburb of anywhere. All the sets are as bland as the costumes in an attempt to appeal to everyone, far from appealing it's just dull. In fact scratch the bit about it being fine, it's awful, lazy, predictable tripe that British channels need to stop making.